Learning to Ask For What You Need + Mean What You Say

Mara Glatzel is a self-love coach and author of the body image + authentic living blog, Medicinal Marzipan. If you enjoyed this post, catch up with her (almost) daily body-loving antics and general rabble-rousing on facebook,  twitter, or shoot her an email.

When was the last time that you asked for what you needed?

I’m not talking “Will you please pass me the OJ?”

I’m talking about getting down on your knees, with your arms out stretched, and uttering the secret desires in a heartfelt plea.

I’m talking about cutting through the background noise, the games, the I-really-shouldn’t, and asking for what you need.

I know it’s a tall order.

I also know what it feels like to go through your life, for years at a time, angry that your needs aren’t being met.

I know what it’s like to be angry at myself, because I know that no one can possibly meet a need that I haven’t verbalized out loud.

We are socialized to balance it all – work, life, love, the laundry, our master’s thesis, children, you name it. We are taught to resist asking for help.

We don’t want people to feel bad for us. We don’t want to be a bother. We think we’re supposed to be stronger than that.

We worry about what it means to let our guard down enough to permit someone else to help us.
What if we get used to someone helping us, and then they up and leave us?

In an era of smart phones, facebook chat and the multitude of buffers between us and the person that we are communicating with, it can be terrifying to hang up the phone, look someone in the eye and say:

I’m feeling a little overwhelmed, could you possibly help me out with _______?

Or, I’m feeling a little vulnerable right now with everything that’s going on, could you possible give me some extra love over the next couple of days?

Or, I’ve completely over-committed myself, is there any way that you could bake the cookies for the bake sale tomorrow?

When you dig deep and fess up about your limitations, you are allowing those around you to help you, reducing your level of stress, and ultimately, providing you the space to be a better friend, partner and person.

When you choose your words carefully and speak from your heart, you permit those around you to trust that you are impeccable with your world, and that you will ask for help when you need it.

The worst that they can say is no.